Left Behind, circa 1950 ©Elsa Wolf

This short story helped me formulate aspects of my published novel. It was originally a version of the prologue, but I changed in the final version. Please enjoy this rendition and find my completed novel on Amazon: Buried Truths, A Daughter’s Tale…

Rita, after becoming a WWII widow, kept her first-born child, whose name was Mina. Some time later, she met another soldier and became pregnant out of wedlock, but that man vanished without a trace. Mina found out about the lost baby when she was six years old, although she never knew why her mother told her. Up until that point, Mina’s life had been difficult, and it did not get better after learning she had a younger sister who had escaped her fate.

Rita tried to find out what had happened to her second baby’s father. She wrote the Army asking them to provide his address or forward her letter. When the Army’s return letter arrived, she ripped it open. They didn’t respond in a way she could dispute. The powers that be declared they could only forward letters or give addresses to the immediate family members. Since she had not married the baby’s father, the Army was not obligated to help her in any way.

Was he dead? Alive? Had he forgotten her? Rita thought he must be dead since she was sure he would have come back. He knew where she was. She considered traveling to his hometown to search on her own, but big cities were too far away for her to have any chance of success.

The baby was given up for adoption the day she was born.

After regaining her strength, Rita returned to her two jobs while her mother tended to her firstborn. Working at the grocery store was never quite the same, but making ice cream for parlors—Eis Dieles—helped her hold on to her husband’s memory. After all, they had met over ice cream. To get her mind off Mitch and the decision she’d felt forced to make, Rita hoped to either reunite with her second baby or determine if the Catholic nuns had found her a new home.

The months crept by. Nothing in her life was working out the way she hoped. Her friends didn’t understand or know how to help, and many of them had abandoned her over the last two years. She had become somewhat of an outcast. They all knew her husband was dead and couldn’t have been the father of the baby she gave up for adoption. Her friends labeled her a pariah, an undesirable woman, who would never find a respectable husband.

Rita scooped up Mina, and they took the thirty-minute bus ride to the convent. She hoped the presence of her older daughter would soften the nun’s resolve. She watched Mina peer happily through the window while the scenery sped by. Today, the world was full of possibilities for her daughter. But for Rita, there was only sorrow.

Rita’s eyes teared up on a regular basis and today was no different. Why? Why did all these things have to happen? When would life become less turbulent?

The nuns were surprisingly kind and said Mina was old enough to have supervised play time with a few of the orphans while the adults talked.

“Go on,” Rita said. “Go with the nun. I’ll come collect you, don’t worry.” Rita nudged Mina toward the nun in the hallway. The woman took her hand and escorted her away with another child.

Rita went into the Reverend Mother’s office and sat in the same chair she had sat in when she’d given up her baby. The Reverend Mother said her baby had been adopted quickly. Her hopes of having a glimpse were gone in a flash.

“Who has my baby? Is she well cared for?” Followed by, “What’s her name, and where is she?”

“Remember, you relinquished your rights to such information,” the Reverend Mother said. “The child’s new parents are living in Paris. I can’t tell you anything else.”

Rita stared into the fireplace behind the nun and watched while the white smoke rose like a spirit, carrying her last hope with it.

“I’m sorry your life has been difficult, but know you are not alone. The Lord has not abandoned you. Your baby is in good hands and will never want for anything.”

“I understand, but I’m sad all the time.”

“Konzentriere dich auf die Tocher, die du behalten hast (stay focused on the daughter you kept). The nun said this with a stoic, flat voice.

“Thank you for your help.” Rita couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“Excuse me, I must get back to my duties. Sister Mary will take you to Mina.”

Rita followed the nun into the recreation hall, where Mina was happily playing and chattering away with other the children. She lifted Mina into her arms as her daughter kicked and screamed in protest. Rita wanted to scream too—but adults weren’t supposed to do such things within the sacred halls. But then she realized, perhaps her other daughter might actually be happy in a loving home.

On the bus trip home, Rita finally came to terms with what she had done. It wasn’t peace she felt, but a grim resolution. She would stop pining away for her husband and find a father for Mina. How to find a suitable husband was unclear, but she had to find someone since her mother was getting older and wouldn’t be able to help with Mina much longer.

Rita vowed to find an eligible man. Once married, she could take care of Mina herself rather than relying on her mother. There had to be someone somewhere, perhaps outside of Schlangenbad, where her past didn’t cling to her like a second skin.

She decided to travel to the village of Buchloe on weekends and established a regular pattern coming to and from home. Gertrude, a friend from primary school who had moved to Buchloe three years before, might be able to help. As predicted, Gertrude stepped up. Rita spent the night on her visits, and Gertrude introduced her to new friends.

In town, Rita walked the streets visiting shops. On every recurring visit, she made a point of going to the same spot for lunch. Soon, the locals got to know her. She asked if she could make ice cream in their shops. They, like Gertrude, were accommodating.

Before summer’s end, Rita became reacquainted with Gertrude’s brother, Fritz. They had not seen each other in years. He was a bit older and had married a lovely woman from Buchloe. Fritz mentioned that their friend Dieter might get along well with Rita, but he was a widower and carried a shadow of grief wherever he went.

There weren’t too many single people left in Rita’s age group. He was ten years her senior. Perhaps they could help each other mend their broken souls. Fritz arranged a casual group dinner at the local pub.

The months sped by and Rita and Dieter enjoyed each other’s company within the group, but they had not gone on any solo dates. They had shared many conversations covering their day-to-day experiences. Dieter took a particularly long time to open up about his wife’s death. When he did, he explained she died from complications related to appendicitis. He felt responsible for not taking the warning signs to heart. The loss haunted him.

Rita didn’t tell Dieter about the baby she had outside of marriage and gave away. That truly was too heavy to hand over. She was getting impatient with the evolution of their relationship. She had grown to love him, but she was not in love. Perhaps, given enough time alone, her feelings would change. She knew Dieter needed to meet Mina, who was a three-year-old and a hand-full. So far, he had accepted the idea, but a meeting in person would be the final test.

After a great deal of thought, Rita decided to bring Mina on her next visit to Buchloe.

Mina was so excited to take the bus to Buchloe, but for Rita, the ride stirred old ghosts of their trip together to the convent the year before. Mina stood on the seat the same way she had done before, with her eyes glowing with happiness, while she watched the scenery go by. She was oblivious to her mother’s sorrows.

When they passed pastures of cows and other animals, Mina kept saying over and over, “Mamma, look…” She had never been exposed to so many. That was the day Mina fell in love with animals.

They walked into Buchloe to Gertrude’s home. Mina was greeted with open arms, but she was a bit shy and clung to her mother’s leg. An hour later Gertrude was reading her a children’s story. While they rested, Rita slipped out to make some ice cream at the nearby shop and pick up a few things for the evening party. She returned to find Mina curled up on the couch, sound asleep.

Rita and Gertrude got to work in the kitchen. The six guests arrived shortly thereafter. Dieter would finally meet little Mina, but Rita was nervous. Her daughter was not like most children because she learned more from her grandmother than her mother and often behaved like a little adult. Rita needed this evening to go well. She needed Dieter to see Mina for the angel she was before the school year began. They would have to move to Buchloe and start a new life.

Mina began the evening sitting on Rita’s lap, but soon warmed up to all the guests. She showed each of them her new stuffed bear from Gertrude. Everything seemed to be going well.

“Mina, go get a book and bring it back.” Off she trotted and returned with a book of photographs.

Rita was wondering what Dieter would do. She wasn’t sure, but soon discovered he was quite interested in the book and offered to go through it with Mina. He leaned in closer than she expected. He asked questions. He listened. This, Rita thought, could be the next step, and it was. Dieter asked Rita out on a real date before he left. He had not done so before because he said the mysterious child had created an obstacle in his mind.

Rita and Dieter went on their first date, and then another and another. Their relationship developed, and Dieter soon learned to love again. The love between Dieter and Rita was not full of sparks, but a love of understanding. The losses they had incurred made them older and wiser than they actually were. She was now twenty-five, and he was thirty-five.

They agreed to start a life together. Dieter bought a small house with plenty of room for them that had a spacious yard and a separate building. He stalled, however, about Mina come to live with them, saying, “The house needs a lot of work before Mina can come. Let’s see how much I can get done this summer.” He was handy with tools and converted the spare building into an ice cream shop for Rita. A gesture both loving and convenient.

Mina was ready to go to school, but Rita changed her mind and decided Mina should stay in Schlangenbad with Rita’s mother, Magda. Her daughter could join them on holidays and eventually move permanently to Buchloe because the renovations were taking longer than Dieter expected—Rita accepted his excuse. Maybe too easily. After all, Magda had spent more time with Mina than she had. Rita promised to visit often.

But as the months passed, a quiet ache grew. Rita knew Dieter didn’t really understand what it meant to be a parent. He didn’t see Mina very often, but when he did, he was aloof since he didn’t know how to relate to her as a stepfather. It didn’t help that Rita continued to travel back and forth from Buchloe to Schlangenbad on a regular basis to see Mina.

He often said he was jealous of the child and hoped to feel more complete with a child of his own. He didn’t have to fret too long. Rita became pregnant with his child. Dieter was elated with the news, but his negative behavior toward Mina remained constant.

Mina became confused by her mother’s growing belly. She wanted a brother or sister, but she didn’t understand why she lived with her grandmother. By this time, Mina was almost six years old.

“Mina, I have to tell you something important. Before you were born, I had another baby. I couldn’t keep her with me or your grandmother because we did not have enough money.”

Mina’s wide eyes filled with tears. “Mama, are you going to give me away too? Are you going to keep this baby?”

In some ways Rita had given Mina away to her mother, “No, little one, I am not going to give either of you away. We have money now.”

“Mama, where do babies come from?”

“You will understand when you are older. We will not talk about this today. Think about what I’ve already said.”

Mina’s world was splintered. She often asked about her lost sister. “Where is my sister? I want my sister! You are so mean! I will be angry with you forever!”

And Rita Didn’t try to silence her daughter. She let Mina’s anger roll over her like a deserved wave.

* Another Baby

Rita gave birth to a third daughter; they named her Eva. Dieter was a proud father, but he was away many hours each day minding the local hardware store and taking odd handyman jobs in the neighborhood. It was difficult for them to pay the bills and sending money to Schlangenbad each month for Mina became a source of resentment. He gazed at his daughter one morning. “You’re my light, Eva. The only thing that reminds me of what hope feels like.” His voice softened as he tucked a strand of her baby-fine hair behind her ear, the weight of his life disappointments pressing down on him.

Four years flew quickly by. The ice cream business was so busy in the summers that Rita needed extra help that her now four-year-old, Eva, couldn’t provide. Gertrude helped serve on Sundays, which was a great relief.

Rita had finished three new batches of ice cream when she heard the phone ringing in the house. She ran inside and picked up the receiver.

“Hello?”

“Frau Richter?”

“Yes?”

“I am calling from Mina’s school. We received a call from the hospital. Your mother has fallen in the market and is in the hospital. You need to pick up Mina. We have not told her anything.”

“Yes, I understand. I will be there as soon as I can.”

“No, you need to be here when school lets out for the day.” The administrator insisted.

Rita hardly knew how to handle this new development. She rushed back to Gertrude. “My Mother is in the hospital. I need to go. Can you manage things here? I have to do something with Mina. I will telephone you later.”

Gertrude responded as any friend would. “Go. We will get through this.”

Rita left Eva with Gertrude and hurried off to the hardware store to talk to Dieter.

He flinched and said, “We knew this day would come.” He turned and walked toward the back room. His reaction was cold. “Handle it, Rita. I can’t leave work now.” She left with fear in her heart.

Rita jumped on the bus to Schlangenbad and arrived with only a few minutes to spare before Mina walked out of school. They would go to the hospital together.

“Hi Mama, what are you doing here?”

The interaction was strained; Rita didn’t know how to explain why she was there unannounced. “It’s my turn to pick you up after school.” Her voice trembled.

They walked for a few minutes without speaking of anything except for the events that occurred during Mina’s school day, while Rita tried to figure out how to explain.

Rita hailed a taxi cab and abruptly told the driver to go to the hospital. This was the first clue for Mina.

“Mama, what’s wrong?”

“Your grandmother was at the Market and fell. The shop keeper said she needed to go to the hospital. So, she went. Someone from your school called me. That is why I am here to pick you up today instead.”

“No! Grandma can’t be hurt…She’s always fine.”

“Let’s go see how she’s feeling.”

When they arrived at the hospital, Mina had to wait in the lobby, because they wouldn’t permit her in Magda’s room. She sat on a bench while Rita went to speak with the doctor.

“Your mother had a stroke and can’t speak…. She will not recover completely…. If she is stable, in a week or so, we will need to move her to a nursing home.”

Rita felt the room tilt slightly beneath her. She was suddenly zapped of all her energy. In her mother’s room, Rita pulled up a chair and scowled while she figured out what to do next. Her mother was unresponsive. Fifteen minutes later, she went back out to Mina.

“Mama, is grandma going to be all right? I have been waiting and waiting for you to come back.”

“Grandmother Magda fell because her brain stopped working properly. She can’t speak anymore; she had a stroke.”

Mina broke down, “A-a-a stroke? What is that? What will happen to her?”

“It’s difficult to explain. The hospital will move her to another home for nursing care for the rest of her life, and you will move in with me and Dieter in Buchloe.”

“Noooo, I don’t want to leave grandmama.” She began to sob convulsively. “I want to stay with her and go to school with my friends.”

“I know things seem horrible right now. I will stay with you both for the rest of the school year. In the summer, you will have to leave with me.”

Mina pulled away from her mother and ran down the hall to her grandmother’s room. Rita rushed after her as a nurse attempted to stop Mina in mid stride.

“Child, child, you cannot go in there. Hospital rules say….” The nurse’s voice caught and faltered.

Rita and the nurse plunged into the room simultaneously. They froze in their tracks when they saw how quiet and statue like Mina had become. She reached out and touched Magda’s hand. Magda opened her eyes and her mouth twitched. An indiscernible sound emerged.

“Mina, Grandmother Magda needs to rest. Let’s go and get things organized at her house.”

“I’ll help you, Mama. I’ll always help, even if no one sees.”

“You’re precious,” Rita said. “I am sorry. I know this is very difficult for you.”

“Grandma, I love you. See you later.” Mina reluctantly left while her world crumbled. She was only eight years old, and she had been through too much.

Grandmother Magda was dead within the month. Rita telephoned home, and Dieter sounded rather agitated. He and Gertrude had been taking care of both Eva and the ice cream shop while she was away. They were exhausted and wanted her to return, but school wouldn’t be over for another six weeks.

ꟷꟷꟷ

Dieter soon found himself a full-time father of another man’s child. He thought it wouldn’t bother him, but deep down, he was uneasy, conflicted in a way he couldn’t shake. He loved his bride, but he really didn’t want to be the father of someone else’s daughter. He continued to try to relate to Mina, but reading to her at bedtime was the only connection he could manage. A ritual without warmth.

“Stop looking at me like that, Mina. Like you’re waiting for something that isn’t coming.” He turned away, his voice sharper than he intended, the anger masking a guilt that gnawed at him. He wasn’t committed to her like he was to his Eva. He decided he would spend more hours working while Mina settled into their home with Eva. He told himself time would help. Distance even more. God willing, he could think things through and get used to the idea of the alien child. He didn’t like the thoughts that plagued his mind—resentment, pity, rejection. He knew what he was getting into the day he married Rita. But knowing and living it turned out to be two different things. Dieter doted over Eva and lavished her with attention—reading and telling stories, playful jokes, little wooden toys he carved for her after work. All these things Mina noticed with glaring stares, but never said a word.

ꟷꟷꟷ

Mina wanted to love her baby sister with all her heart, but she was jealous. Over and over, she stood back and watched the family of three in front of her and wondered where she fit. Was she a freak? A leftover? A reminder of something no one wanted to remember? Her life could be complete if her lost sister returned. They were so close in age—eighteen months—and circumstances. Mina knew they would have had each other to depend upon. A shield against Dieter’s indifference.

Rita attended to Eva, while Mina helped with the ice cream business, went to school, and did household chores. By the time Mina was ten and Eva was four, Dieter began to drink too much and put fewer hours in at work. They needed more money to support four people, so Rita tried to relieve him of his burden by keeping Mina out of his path, as if hiding her might calm his riddled soul. But the storm never ceased. He was a selfish man.

They worked harder selling ice cream, but money was still scarce. There wasn’t an immediate solution, not until Rita heard the government was looking for foster families to care for abandoned children.

There were so many children in Germany who needed homes and not enough families to adopt them within the country. Rita believed she could give back something to these children, perhaps even make peace with the parts of herself that had given one away. The one Dieter still didn’t know about. He agreed, but only because they needed more money and the government would pay them for their cooperation. The agencies were overrun with children. They were all living in overcrowded orphanages with poor conditions.

By the end of the month, there were three more children in their home and Rita was determined to make a happier life for them all.

But the duties of the house multiplied, and Mina quickly became the house’s Cinderella. She swept, she served, and tended to her studies. When time allowed (there was very little), she tried to spend it with friends. Rita watched her daughter trying to keep an upbeat attitude, trying not to anger Dieter, but he was never satisfied—not with her, not with anything.

ꟷꟷꟷ

The money was flowing into the house, but Dieter still behaved like a stranger in his own home. He spent most of his time either working, playing with Eva or drinking more and more alcohol. He became so dependent on his nightly beers that he was drinking away a lot of the extra income Rita had been bringing in with the foster children. To protect the household, she had to find ways to hide a portion of the money so all the children would have enough food and clothing. There were days Dieter became verbally aggressive and was known to throw a thing or two across the room. A glass, a book. Once, a shoe. Anything within reach. He became more and more difficult to live with.

“Do you think I want this life, Rita? Do you think I don’t see what I’ve become?” Dieter’s voice cracked as he clenched the empty glass, his faced flushed with something between rage and despair.

Rita regretted the day she thought a new husband would make their life better—he hadn’t made it better. He was not the right man for her or for Mina. She was stuck in her Catholic principles and would never leave him. Divorce was not an option. She didn’t pray for deliverance anymore, only for strength. Her sentence would be over soon enough; the liquor was sure to kill him.

ꟷꟷꟷ

Mina felt helpless, but she continued to help her mother and became a surrogate to the three foster children. Her life was filled with school, work, and hardly any time with friends. Often, she cried herself to sleep at night, clutching her pillow while dreaming of a sister she had never met. Mina wished she had been sent away for adoption, too. At least then, she imagined, someone might have chosen her. Life was too hard, and Eva seemed to get everything she wanted—new toys, attention, affection. Mina was left with nothing but work.